My Original Short Story

Hi! I'm going to publish my short story here. I usually don't do that because of fear of plagiarism. But I'll post it here and Fiction Press for opinion and other stuff.

The reason why I'm doing this is because of a contest I am entering. I would need criticism and opinion as much as possible for this story. It also has to be only 2500 words... so far this has 2800 words... XD

I actually wrote this as an assignment at my Creative Writing class. I may as well submit it into the contest. I may too make another one just in case.

I am going to take this out after July.

Here's the story: ameftodrawer.deviantart.com/ar…
Please read it and tell me what ya think.

Thank you for your time!

and

PLEASE DO NOT USE THAT STORY IN ANY WAY!!! AND ANY SIMILARITIES TO ANY PERSON/CREATURE/THING LIVING OR DEAD ARE PURELY COINCIDENTAL!!!